A Fan Letter that I didn't want to spend 37 cents on

Dear Chad Michael Murray,

Today I decided that I really don’t like you. At all. The whole “I’m a brooding teenager” thing may have worked when you guest-starred on Gilmore Girls in 2001, but that was five years ago and you’re 26 now. I remember I interviewed you at Planet Hollywood in 2004. You told me that you were involved in a relationship with your now ex-wife, Sophia Bush, like the news was worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. Things only got better at your press junket for the critically-not-acclaimed Cinderella Story, co-starring Hilary Duff. You announced that you’d like to have a career similar to Sean Penn’s. And then you did a movie with Paris Hilton. Awesome. So then you announced your divorce with Sophia Bush, and promptly announced your engagement to an extra, er, aspiring model, who hadn’t graduated high school yet. In regards to this relationship you said:

"Imagine you are walking along and you trip over something and you turn around and find that it is a huge diamond. You would pick it up and do everything in your power to take care of that diamond because it might take care of you for the rest of your life."

Deep, man. Deep. Good luck with your career! I'm sure my brother will see you at an autograph convention in a few years.

Love,
Me

PS-Once you said, "When you realize you're alive, you can live life!" Thank you SO much because I thought I was dead until I read that. I owe you my life, Chad!

So here's the thing

Chad Michael Murray's new haircut



Makes me think he's the grown up version of this boy



Who you might remember from

Did you ever know you were my hero? Wait, that's Bette Midler

Dear Whitney Houston,

I've always been a fan, but I'll be the first to admit that you kind of scared me on your husband's reality show. You see, experiencing the trainwreck of "Being Bobby Brown" was sort of like watching my drunk aunt bust a move to "The Thong Song" at my cousin's wedding reception last year. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at your antics, Whitney. This past Saturday, however, I was driving and I had my 5 month old cousin in the backseat. She was obviously in a carseat (who said you can't learn anything from Britney, or as my mom likes to call her, Britney Spear) and is a total cutie, but unfortunately, baby is teething. The high pitched shrieks were killing me, Larry! I was thisclose to having a nervous breakdown on La Brea. Out of desperation, I turned up the volume on my stereo and heard the words, "Clock strikes upon the hour" - and then something magical happened. As the vocals got louder, the crying got softer. During those last minutes of the drive home, I forgot all about the "That's a hell to the no" Whitney and remembered the classy Whitney. The Whitney whose vocal stylings I used to imitate in front of my bathroom mirror in the fifth grade. I sure as hell want to dance with somebody, and that somebody is you, Whitney! So thank you. You truly are the greatest love of all. I'll leave you with a rousing rendition of one of your biggest hits. See you on tour!

Love,
Me

For Kelly

So Kelly has proof that Danity Kane really signed her poster!

Home skillet biscuit sop it up with some syrup

I wish I was BFFs with:



She's seriously the shit. In fact, probably my favorite celeb interview of all time. Go Raven!

Sooo

How much did the city of Hollywood spend on plastering these goddamned signs all over the place? I sort of wanted to bring a case of silly string to work today and have everyone go fucking nuts with it at 12:01. But then I realized it was already 2:15 and where the hell was I going to find silly string anyway?