GO MONTEL!!!

JETS Opening Day

I'm baa-aackk....in Jersey

And I am so glad I came home.

I'm also 24 now. That's almost a quarter of a century!

Isn't this the most amazing shirt ever?

I'm ba-ack

Sorry it's been a while, y'all. But after this weekend's string of Grammy parties, I should have a lot to write about. In the meantime, I'll leave you with a piece of the Gary Busey cake I designed for Paul's birthday. Enjoy!

First lesson of 2007: Don’t buy hangers from the dollar store.

Two months ago, I moved into a new apartment that’s not only located down the street from the Scrubs set, but also came equipped with my first ever walk-in closet. I figured I should actually make use of this amenity, so I bought some new clothes, ironed some old ones, and got straight to work on making it as Donna Martin-esque as possible. Then I realized I had no hangers. Then I realized that in the 23 years of my life, I’d never bought hangers before. So instead of doing my research, as my mom has often chastened me for in the past, I headed to the dollar store and bought $3 worth, which roughly translates into 21 hangers. I scurried home, pleased with my new domestic undertaking, and started hanging Saddam Hussein style (sorry, that reference was entirely inappropriate, but I just couldn't backspace it). A few hours later, I decided to marvel at my work - only to find that while all of the hangers were still well, hanging, my clothes were not. They were all over the fucking floor of my closet! I hung them back up again, only to find them on the floor again shortly thereafter. See mom, even when I try to be neat, the forces rise against me. Dollar Store: 1, Colleen: 0.

Only in LA

So last week, Nicole and I decide to do dinner after work. Her fab boyfriend, Patrick, writes for the LA Times and told us about this Comedy Central movie that his editor recommended. It's called Windy City Heat - and it stars Perry Caravello as Stone Fury. Perry is an aspiring comedian and actor, who, at one time had his own public access TV show in Chicago. He's quite a character and you can check out his official website at scaryperryproductions.com. Though he believes that he won the part of Stone Fury over distinguished thespians such as Robert DeNiro and James Gandolfini, the truth is that the entire film is an elaborate hoax and the joke's actually on him. With appearances by Jimmy Kimmell, Dane Cook and Carson Daly, what follows is ninety minutes of complete fucking hilarity. After watching the film, we became obsessed and after looking at his website, Patrick discovered that in a few days, Perry would be performing stand-up right down the street from our respective apartments! It was a long and boring Monday, but we knew we had to go. For Perry. And for fate. We walked to the HaHa Cafe in North Hollywood and a few minutes later, see Perry in the flesh. Containing my excitement was one of the most difficult tasks in my 23 years. After sitting through several awful, uh I mean aspiring, acts, Perry was finally up! At this point, there were probably about 10-15 people in the audience. Shortly after he took the stage, a camera crew walked in - with the cast of Windy City Heat and Johnny Knoxville! Then from the other side of the room enters Jimmy Kimmell! They were taping for Windy City 2! Perry's uncle/manager didn't like it at all and commanded that Perry leave the stage. So we followed everyone outside and started chanting "PERRY! PERRY!" There was almost a fight between the guys and Perry's security team. And then Johnny Knoxville turns to me and is all, "Start chanting 'PERRY! KUMBAYA!'" Which I obviously did, because hello, who the fuck disobeys Johnny Knoxville?! So we get Perry to come back inside and perform his set, and now we're going to be in Windy City Heat 2. By the way, I just ordered Windy City Heat 1 on amazon, and it should arrive any day now. Date and time of viewing party TBA.

An awesome celebrity sighting

Okay so for those of you who don’t know by now, I work in the same building as Ashton Kutcher. I’ve seen him around here and there and he seems like a pretty normal, laid-back dude. Today, I was leaving the building to go run some errands and I see him outside on the steps smoking a stoge and reading what looked like a script. I was all, “I hope he’s still here when I get my car and maybe we can make eye contact on the way out!” Yes, I’m a dork, thanks. So I’m leaving and I notice that a man has joined him. He’s got red hair and is wearing a tight blue shirt and jeans. I’m like, “Hey, I’d know those erratic hand movements anywhere! That’s Danny fucking Bonaduce!” And yes folks, it was. Ashton Kutcher and Danny Bonaduce engaging in a conversation about god-knows-what. But Danny seemed pretty manic (think Season 1 of Breaking Bonaduce) and Ashton seemed half-amused and half terrified. It was awesome.

Tiger Beat Owns

Check out this article from mediapost.com...explaining why my magazine is the friggin bomb dizzle!



Tiger Beat
by Fern Siegel, Wednesday, Jun 14, 2006 1:30 PM ET

WHAT IS THE LINE OF demarcation between kids and adults? The ability to program every new tech gadget with ease? OK. The ability to identify Zac Efron, Ashley Tinsdale and Raven? Bingo! Ask the average adult to name pop music and TV stars, and you'll often draw a blank stare. Sure, we know Jerry Seinfeld and Sarah Jessica Parker, but they are reruns--and "The Sopranos" is ubiquitous. So if Green Day and Drake Bell are a sealed book, chances are you're not among the mega-readers of Tiger Beat, the teen girl's answer to Us. Tiger Beat is notable for its hyperventilating ardor and copy that positively swoons. True, some celeb mags went a little dippy over Shiloh Jolie-Pitt--as did her parents, who auctioned her off to the highest photo bidder--but usually they dig for dirt.
By contrast, Tiger Beat, 41 years strong, is wholesome; its young stars air-brushed to perfection. Here, celebrity dish is taken literally: They share favorite foods. Like the golden age of Hollywood studio publicity machines, TB is exclusively devoted to good news. Forget those crazy tales about drug-addled sitcom kids or the debauchery of teen idols. If it happens--say Lindsay Lohan's penchant for car crashes--it doesn't show up in TB. This is celebrity lite--no sex, no rehab, just a quick, intimate share from a teen angel--and often with an empowering message.
Rocker Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy says: "Nobody is born cool. Everybody has something weird about them," while Tinsdale, of "High School Musical" fame, is a big believer in hugging your friends and showing them love. That's TB's stock-in-trade: finding positive commonality with stars, be it healthy eating or taking school seriously or learning constructive ways to settle a score. Parents, rest easy; Tiger Beat is cheery, upbeat, even helpful. In "Daniel Head to Toe," Daniel Radcliffe, better known to millions as Harry Potter, says he studies three-to-five hours a day, loves "The Simpsons," is shy around girls and wants his dream date to be "funny, smart and original." (At this rate, he's lucky he isn't stalked by 30somethings.)

But Tiger Beat's forte, its signature breathy enthusiasm, is saved for "High School Musical" alum Zac Efron. Consider the seven-page mini mag devoted to the blue-eyed boy wonder, with hair a Ford model would envy. The editor, known as Editor Leesa, is as excited about the TB photo shoot as any 14-year-old, squealing that the cool thing about the all-Zac mag, complete with pictures and facts, is that "you can slip it in your purse and take it everywhere you go." And to keep your bedroom Zac-errific, TB provides a "giant slurp-a-licious" poster. Now, I understand teen crushes, but do we really want to dissect the hidden meaning behind "slurp-a-licious"?

Still, I like Zac, who confides, "School is always first. I was doing honor courses by the end of my sophomore year." I applaud his--or his parents--or his publicist's--acumen. Tinseltown is littered with kid stars who didn't cut it as adults--I give you Danny Bonaduce and Gary Coleman. Clearly, Zac doesn't want to end his career as teen roadkill.

In fact, whatever the future holds for this month's centerfold kids, readers will only get the sweet spin. That clean-cut sell has been a Tiger Beat specialty since 1965. While its early competitor, 16, reported on Jim Morrison and Alice Cooper, Tiger Beat kept its pages pristine: signing The Monkees to an exclusive merchandising deal and covering heartthrobs like David Cassidy and Bobby Sherman. By the mid-'70s, it was the No. 1-selling teen pub. In the mid-'80s, Tiger Beat printed the word HOT! on the cover, with photos of Kirk Cameron and Michael J. Fox inside the giant letters. The names changed over the ensuing decades, but the color pinups, a devotion to movies, music and fashion, and its squeaky-clean delivery remained. For girls who just want to have fun, Tiger Beat is boss.

Fern Siegel is Deputy Editor of MediaPost.

A Fan Letter that I didn't want to spend 37 cents on

Dear Chad Michael Murray,

Today I decided that I really don’t like you. At all. The whole “I’m a brooding teenager” thing may have worked when you guest-starred on Gilmore Girls in 2001, but that was five years ago and you’re 26 now. I remember I interviewed you at Planet Hollywood in 2004. You told me that you were involved in a relationship with your now ex-wife, Sophia Bush, like the news was worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. Things only got better at your press junket for the critically-not-acclaimed Cinderella Story, co-starring Hilary Duff. You announced that you’d like to have a career similar to Sean Penn’s. And then you did a movie with Paris Hilton. Awesome. So then you announced your divorce with Sophia Bush, and promptly announced your engagement to an extra, er, aspiring model, who hadn’t graduated high school yet. In regards to this relationship you said:

"Imagine you are walking along and you trip over something and you turn around and find that it is a huge diamond. You would pick it up and do everything in your power to take care of that diamond because it might take care of you for the rest of your life."

Deep, man. Deep. Good luck with your career! I'm sure my brother will see you at an autograph convention in a few years.

Love,
Me

PS-Once you said, "When you realize you're alive, you can live life!" Thank you SO much because I thought I was dead until I read that. I owe you my life, Chad!

So here's the thing

Chad Michael Murray's new haircut



Makes me think he's the grown up version of this boy



Who you might remember from